Glorious Return

MY PASSPORT HAS RETURNED TO ME.

I refused to do ANYTHING all day (granted, it is only 1, but regardless) for fear that I would miss the UPS man. My mother warned me, often the UPS man does not come until after five, to which I said I will sit here and do nothing until he comes, because everyone knows if I say, go to the YMCA at 11, it will be the day that the UPS man comes at 11 and DON'T YOU KNOW IF I MISS HIM EVERYONE DIES?!

But I also refused to take a shower, watch tv, or anything. Have you ever noticed it seems like the more important the doorbell ring is, the quieter it is? It's like it has a special UPS setting so that it's barely noticeable to all in the house. And the UPS men don't try very hard either. I think they get paid per missed delivery. In actuality, I'm betting people bribe them with large wads of cash and/or favors to retrieve their packages off the truck when they miss the "delivery attempt."

Ahem. Onward. So I bolt from my bed, nearly throwing my laptop across the room and directly into the wall, and run downstairs to answer the door. (Whether or not I was screaming "passport passport passport! the entire way down will be left to mystery.) (hint: I was.) And I opened the door whilst exclaiming "Oh thank God, that's my passport and I travel on Wednesday." The UPS man commented about good timing, but started to look a bit weirded out when I told him if he wanted he could have my first born child or I could always kiss his feet. (Okay, that one actually didn't happen. I only offer my firstborn children to ticket agents, not UPS men.)